Caterpillars have one great advantage over human beings as they morph from one state of existence to the next: they do not have a cerebral cortex and so they merely respond to instinct, never having the need to understand how following the instinct will impact their current state of being.
A caterpillar has absolutely no idea that it is destined to be a butterfly and so it is quite content to inch along twigs munching leaves and being what it is. When the instinct to stop inching along and stay put on the twig arrives along with a new imperative: begin to excrete a new type of fluid and use this fluid to encase yourself, the caterpillar simply goes ahead and follows the instinctual command. The caterpillar is completely unfettered by a brain containing a survival mechanism referred to as the 'ego' that if it heard such a command would immediately begin blasting out the message danger will robinson, DANGER! Nope, the caterpillar is blissfully unaware and so it spins it's cocoon and settles into this new nest and then it dissolves.
Yep, that's right, it dissolves - no more caterpillar. This is actually quite fascinating because in order to become a butterfly, the caterpillar containing the imignal cells must cease living the life it knows; inching and munching, and must follow a new instinct to spin itself a cocoon. The caterpillar which is now cozily encased in the cocoon - it spun for itself - now dissolves. The caterpillar is now a goopy-ooze. Butterfly imignal cells are in the 'ooze' that was once caterpillar and in this goopy-oozy, these cells are now able to reconfigure themselves into the blueprint for a butterfly. A bit of time for reconfiguring to take a solid shape and poof - one day the cocoon that fit the caterpillar is too small for what it now contains and as the cocoon splits open, a wet-winged butterfly emerges.
Taking these images to the next, sort of extreme idea, a butterfly is simply a refined, more elegant version of the caterpillar. Poets and philosophers and even psychologists are not unfamiliar with the idea of comparing human beings as they journey through life states, with that of the butterfly. Human beings travel through distinct life stages with each stage building on the completion of certain developmental tasks needed for growth as a person. Yet, as anyone who has completed a stage of development and then moved firmly into the next one knows: it simply is much harder for we humans than it is for the caterpillar!
We humans bring to our existence a cerebral cortex designed to create a life much, much more mystical than one needed for inching and munching and this cerebellum exercises itself by questioning the whys and wherefores of living. Our capacity for questioning life experiences is the design necessary for shaping our own uniquely defined personhood.
The same design needed for unique personhood; questioning the whys and wherefores of living, also creates a part of the self referred to as an ego. Because each person is absolutely unique in their capacity for creatively responding to and constructing life, this 'personhood' has a kind of protective monitoring device. Our protective monitoring device is called the 'ego' and the ego is composed of both useful and destructive tendencies. The useful tendencies are for protecting the self and are healthy when they match up truthfully and honestly with our internal or 'essential' self. The destructive traits of the ego are those that are matched to our 'defense' mechanisms which are survival mechanisms gone awry. These mechanisms have gone awry because for many of us, they are almost completely obsessed with making sure that our 'emotions' be defended against pain and hurt. Truth be told, this defended ego simply hates, I mean really, really puts up a major fuss, at the idea of abandoning the status quo. The defended ego is afraid of leaving the status quo because it's big fear is of being hurt or experiencing emotional pain and so the defended ego will always choose it's concept of survival in favor of change i.e., healthy growth. Defended egos have great resistance to the concept of dissolving.
Yet, like the caterpillar needing to dissolve in order to release the imagnal cells waiting to become ooze so they can reconfigure, it is impossible for a person to move into the next stage of development without the ego of the completed stage needing to dissolve and release the essential cells of self designed to reform into the 'personhood' needed for the next stage of our life.
Like a caterpillar, we humans are also able feel the instinctual urges telling us that it is time to begin letting go of where we are mentally, emotionally and spiritually and to begin preparing ourselves to move on to the next stage of life. We feel these urges in an internal restlessness that will not go away despite any number and variety of different and new experiences we try. This internal restlessness prevents us from feeling content doing what we've been doing and yet refuses to respond, that is it refuses to go away, when given a vacation in a new or maybe old favorite location. It refuses to completely abate when given a new house or car, or maybe even a new baby or possibly a whole new relationship; for this restlessness does not want more: it is signaling that it is time to surrender our current definition of self. This is a type of restlessness that will become a generalized anxiety and irritability if we do not respond with some kind of healthy recognition.
Healthy recognition of the instinctual restlessness is difficult to respond to because the great majority of us have not been taught how to listen and respond to our interior self. We live in a culture which puts great stock in the exterior self: looks, acquisitions, costuming and power of authority and so we are taught to respond to external clues for worthiness and acceptability. If I have lots of the preceding: the right address & vehicle, the right kind of job, the right kind of authority and power and better than average looks with a decent amount of discretionary spending capital then I am perceived as successful, that is, worthy and acceptable.
The problem inherent in this way of perceiving the purpose of living is that the essential self - the self containing our gifts to be shared with the world lives inside all the external trappings of success. The restlessness that won't go away is a signal that we have lived too long inching and munching - the ego is no longer simply a warning device for survival but a hard shell resistant to healthy growth. The sensations of restlessness and irritability - a generalized discontent with life - is signaling us that if we continue to resist, we will die in the caterpillar state.
Here's one of the fascinating facts about being a human being: you are a caterpillar and then a butterfly and then a caterpillar and then a butterfly and then a caterpillar many times in life. Unlike the insect that only has one chance at caterpillar and therefore one chance at butterfly, we humans have many opportunities. The caterpillar stages of life are those when you are building a particular set of 'life skills" such as adolescence which 'butterflies' into a young adult. Once the beginning skills of young adult are learned, the butterfly becomes the caterpillar who 'does' those skills with some expertise and then move into an early adult 'butterfly'. The early adult butterfly has generally learned the basics necessary for working and for close relationships and shows some real ease: beauty, in doing these activities. But life always moves forward and as the ease of a particular butterfly stage is achieved, new drives desiring increased learning and new experiences for applying the learning appear and these desires pushes us to a new caterpillar stage of living.
I've always thought that our Creator was very, very clever as it is biology that pushes us through the first few rounds of caterpillar and butterfly: we are biologically driven to develop into adults, to mate and to propagate our species. These biological imperatives give great energy to other drives necessary for learning the skills and 'trades' allowing us to take on the financial responsibility needed in order to provide for and protect the young of the species. During these biologically driven decades, the caterpillar to butterfly to caterpillar and butterfly cycles may be difficult at times but they are so deeply innate and tied to biological imperatives that the self, the sense of personhood, is almost always willing to surrender what it has in order to achieve the next stage of living.
Surrendering what a person 'has' in order to continue healthy growth becomes more and more difficult when we attach our personhood to a culture's version of success and we achieve this success. Why? Because as long as material acquisitions signaling 'success': homes, careers, financial security are emotionally tied to a personal sense of worthiness and acceptability the more difficult it then becomes to 'surrender' and move to the next stage. What is difficult in the process of surrender as we age is that in-between place of growth and development - of moving from butterfly to caterpillar to butterfly always requires a dissolving of our ego. And if our defended ego has become too entwined with our external trappings we feel as though it is our very self that is dissolving rather than our ego.
The sensation of the your self dissolving will set your greatly excite your defended ego and send it screeching and yelling alarm with the volume set to high. The defended ego will screech and yell until it is hoarse and you can no longer hear it but you can feel it: that is the restlessness, the irritability and the anxiety. How do you shut off this alarm in order to have enough peace and serenity to explore your options? That is where we will begin tomorrow.
Great points about instinct and ego. Interesting angle on the caterpillar dissolving because it simply trusts that it should - oh so hard, as you point out, for us to do the same once we start gathering life experiences.
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