self called intuition. As with all stories that are very, very old the meaning is multi-layered and so the word intuition describes a process much bigger than the way we tend to use the word which in our culture describes the awareness of a truth that wiggles in our gut.
In the Vasilisa Story the truth wiggling in the gut is imaged as a doll carried in the pocket which is passed from mother to daughter. This truth is actually a combination of truths: the truth of the great force of creative feminine energy that along with masculine energy danced the energies of creation into being; the truth of how this creative feminine energy is carried within each of us but with different power and intimacy for a woman; how the discovery of this energy and the learning of how to respond and then use this powerful force can only be done through a series of tasks. The Vasilisa Story is one description of the feminine hero journey.
When I first read the story I was impelled {impel: drive forward} - there is no other word I can think of - to accurately describes the need I had to create my version of the doll in the book. I remember getting off the couch and searching the house for materials to create a doll. I found needle and thread and since sewing would never have been described as a hobby of mine, finding material meant actually cutting up old pieces of clothing to use in this creation. I made her and seventeen years later she remains an active part of my living, sitting quietly on the bookshelf that is my altar in the living room.
Creating the doll of course was simply an initiatory step: a beginning, of a journey that I had no idea I was agreeing to go on. In time I took apart the story and created a workshop that is about discovering the elements of the developmental journey of a woman. I taught the workshop for awhile and then moved into other things and then, as with all of us, a series of major events in my life: career change, family illness, my boys entering their teens, death and then divorce, seemed to take up all of my mental and emotional energy.
Last year I began exploring the transformations that had occurred in my life both personally and professionally, looking at my life from both psychological and spiritual points of view.During this time of 'sorting' a new type of creativity seemed to desire expression and so I began to 'play' with colored pencils and drawing. I did not conceive as myself as artistic in this way but like the force that impelled me to create a doll when I did not have the proper materials, I was impelled to buy a sketch pad and begin drawing. One of the drawings I created was of a woman holding a flaming skull on a stick before her illuminating a path. Starring at what I had drawn I recognized it as the image from the Vasalisa Story illustrating that the final task had been completed and now indicating that Vasalisa was ready to begin her journey of living in the world as her true self. I created this drawing seventeen years after I made the doll.
In our current culture of instant entertainment that allows for a sensation of instant gratification made possible with technological gadgets, our use of 'social networking' media, our 24/7 television and computer access not to mention fast food and the microwave ovens that make meals almost instantaneous, the idea of a journey of growth that takes 17 years is almost unfathomable. Yet, what I know from the vantage point of being in my late 50's is that 17 years will pass one way or another and the choice to make meaning as the time is passing makes more sense to me than to simply ride the waves of life events living primarily by being buffeted by life's unpredictability.
The only part of the unpredictability of life that I have any control over is a commitment to the practices: actions and to the disciplines: deliberate choice to use my creative will for training my mind, that create the capacity for growth in my interior self. Knowing this truth I am sometimes accused of being 'boring' and 'bossy' in my firm belief that deliberate morning time and the use of some kind of writing exercise are essential ingredients for living a life that contains meaning.
All of this is a very long introduction to what I began yesterday describing how to begin using a notebook to record observations of the self as an introduction to the practice and discipline of learning how to do more elaborate observationscalled journal writing. This notebook is a key to the discovery of sorting: grouping or classifying into piles of similarities. I have discussed that a person is one who is able to stand at the center of their thoughts and feelings knowing they belong to them and that a person is one who has the ability to then orchestrate their awareness.
Here's the problem in orchestrating; you have to know what is available out there in the array of musical instruments available for orchestration. Generally speaking, in our contemporary culture, we are not taught either how to discover the individual - unique - components of self (our instruments) nor are we taught how to orchestrate them. Because, as a culture we are dearly devoted to 'instant' or darn-near-instant results we are taught to use 'quick' elements of the self: the external costuming of appearance, material acquisition, jobs and life-roles for telling the story of a person. All of these things can initially be quite captivating and even enthralling but eventually the 'hollowness' will make itself known and it usually makes itself known by filling the empty spaces inside the self with a strange lethargy, with anxiety, depression and/or addiction.
Being created as a human being means having a delicious mix of physical body, emotions, feelings, mental activity and what I believe to be, an active Spirit of the Life force within each of us. Our need to discover how to be creative with all these components of self, our personal instruments to be orchestrated is essential in order for life to be meaninful, pleasurable and fun. And so, the first task leading to being able to orchestrate is a committment to being willingly deliberate in spending some piece of the day - preferably early morning - breathing in the goodness of life and thanking whatever Power you consider greater than yourself for the blessings and opportunities of the day. The next task is learning to sort through the accumulated bits and pieces of living to find the essential self of you.
"... at the close of the meal Baba Yaga said, "since you did so well with the last tasks, tomorrow I will expect you to do even more. First wash every window in the hut. Then go find the needle I lost some years ago in one of the haystacks beyond the yard. When that's been done, remove every particle of dust from the giant barrel of poppy seeds behind the door."
Some versions of the story have Vasalisa sorting the colors of the poppy seeds, some have her sorting wheat from chaff but the intention is the same: sort through the accumulated piles so you are able to see what is what. Learning to write down your observations as jotted notes is the beginning place for sorting through your life and the intention of this activity is to eventually find "the needle" the essential self. The essential self is like the needle of a compass: once discovered and honored it will always point you in the proper direction for living. The direction your needle points to may not make sense at times; it may look down right ludicrous as it points in the direction of the map saying 'here there may be dragons': a geography of life as yet unexplored' but it will always point you toward adventure, joy and a life of creative meaning.
The exercise described in Notebook Park I is for learning how to sort and deliberately 'see' what is in your life and eventually to become aware of the value or belief you ascribe to it. It is an important tool yet I'll admit it can seem tedious. I dislike tedious intensely so I always look for a way to add fun to what it is I am committed to learning. Making 'lists of discovery' is a fun activity that I suggest adding to your note jotting. Even now after more than twenty years of journal writing, I periodically return to making 'lists of discovery' as a means of adding some spice and seasoning to the soup of my living.
Listed below are some ideas for lists of discovery. When you go to make one, try to set aside about 30 minutes so you are able to enjoy and have fun. If you write a list of possible topics in the back of your notebook - I usually put them on the last page and add ideas as I have them - this activity is always available. I find that doing one, or adding to a list I've begun (you do not need to complete a list in one sitting, the list "things that make me happy" took me over a week to do and was one of my most satisfying) is an easy way to lift my spirits and chase away the 'blahs.'
Lists of Discovery Ideas
Things you've always wanted to know more about
Places you would like to visit
People - dead and alive - you admire
Ten books you'd take to a desert island
Fifteen items you'd take to a desert island
Ten items you'd keep from your house if told that was all you were allotted
Your best qualities as a person
The things that make you happy
The ten most important discoveries you have made about living
The most important experiences of your life (if you've accumulated more than 3 decades, I find it easiest to divide the page into quarters: birth to 12: 13 to 25: 26 to 40:40 plus)
The best decisions you have made
Things you've always wanted to try doing but haven't gotten around to yet
I confess that today's posting did not go exactly as I had 'planned' and so I didn't get around to telling you the assignment of a listing activity I was given by a therapist that changed my life. It is my intention to share that tomorrow. Please know however, that as silly as 'jotting' notes or making lists can seem amidst the 'seriousness' of living, my experience is that it is one of the most important activities to be engaged. What I am aware of is that during those 17 years between creating my doll and then the image of the completion of tasks, in the middle of the chaos of that time of life which I described, it was my note jotting, my listing activity and my journal writing combined with early morning time that moved me forward in the growth of my interior life. Engaging those activities are concrete means of igniting hope while living.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Love to hear your thoughts ....