I refer to this activity as a spiritual practice simply because the only vehicle the Spirit of Life has for my life, is me and the only means I have for accurately knowing how I am driving this vehicle of me is to have a means of making this knowledge concrete.As persons, when we engage the act of writing, we make our thoughts and feelings - which until written down seem to be as substantial as air - concrete. Written down, words become substantial and when I see them in my own handwriting it becomes obvious that they are mine.
In my posting titled Baton I said that my favorite definition of person was one who stands at the center of their thoughts and feelings knowing they belong to them. This definition which at first glance seems obvious is actually very difficult to achieve without some kind of discipline or regular practice that allows for ownership. Why would a person find it difficult to own what they think or feel? There are many reasons for this but among the simplest explanations is the fact that in the course of a day we have so many thoughts and so many feelings it can be difficult to keep track of them. Another reason is also obvious; we have our thoughts and feelings while engaged in other experiences and so can be both difficult to be aware of them and to untangle what we are thinking and feeling apart from an experience or another person. Another reason for our awareness not being concrete is attached to our action response to feelings or thoughts that seem to gotten all knotted up or had their fuse lit by something, and that is we - most especially females - tend to talk to someone about them. Which is terrific except when the primary means of dealing with feelings is to talk about them then all that happens is words are discharged into the air unfettered by true ownership. Once my words are into the air then I need never return to them if I do not want to.
However, words written down expressing how I feel or how I think,are carved and owned: as thoughts which are now ink on paper, of feelings expressed as my squiggles on paper, of beliefs made real by my actions recorded in a journal, of a value system exposed in the real world through my actions also written into a notebook. Once written, words have been captured and they can be owned and they can be returned to. This is exactly what the practice of writing gives us: ownership.
Writing is not an easy discipline. In reality it is a very, very difficult discipline. I have heard every excuse there is for not being able to journal and what I know as someone who has slogged my way through most of them is that the most honest reason for not journaling is: I don't really want to know that about myself. Ownership of the self is not easily achieved.
I also know that one reason people have a difficult time beginning to journal even when they really want to learn this discipline, is they often desire to be good at recording the self before a practice has become well enough established so you are able: having the capacity or knowledge needed to honestly write down your thoughts, feelings and experiences on a regular enough basis to be useful. It takes practice to record your thoughts and feelings honestly. My suggestion is that the beginning of this practice be to keep a notebook of jotted notes and what I refer to as 'lists of discovery'.
By beginning the writing/ownership process with a notebook of observations and lists you will be less apt to overwhelm and frustrate yourself or scare yourself by diving too deeply too quickly. The keeping of a notebook also allows the building of the 'muscles' of discipline and practice needed for true journaling. Truthfully, a lot of people give up on journal writing for the same reason I gave up on running - it didn't take much before I decided that the degree of difficulty of both time and my body was simply not worth it. My part in that problem was an unwillingness to begin slowly enough to build the strength and muscles needed and then to be disciplined about keeping at it when the first experiences weren't fun. Besides, my knees were really unhappy - which means of course I could consider walking but that's another discussion for another day. Bottom line on this: whether running or writing, a process of acquiring muscle by using a disciplined approach, is generally required for a good foundation of strength to be laid.
Speaking of foundational strenth, I was rather amazed that both writing and discipline are interlocked by their very definitions. To write is defined as to mark paper by means of a writing instrument; to compose. We all understand writing as 'composition' because that is what we were taught in school. But actually, the concept of 'composing' accurately reflects why someone would write down their thoughts, feelings and experiences as compose means to arrange and put into order; to sort out; to come to agreement on. The word discipline is defined as to exercise control or order over. Therefore, the discipline of regularly writing or jotting down observations is the deliberate use of your will in order to create order in your life. What I know to be an absolute truth is that the creation of order - whether it be in my thinking, my feeling life or the mess of papers sitting to the right of me that need to be classified and filed - requires the use of my will.
The benefit of deciding to begin by using a notebook initially composed of jotted observations and lists of discovery is that you are making a decision to create a place where you may take what is inside of you and put it into a place where you may begin to create order one little step at a time. The great thing about beginning with a notebook rather than a journal is the ability to view your living as you might when taking notes during a lecture: you do not write down every word of what is said, you simply jot down the important points you wish to remember or consider. You do not elaborate when jotting down such notes although once written onto paper, you have that option if you'd like to engage it at a later time. Jotting notes in this way you are exercising your will a little bit at a time: you are building the 'muscle' strength needed to create a 'practice' that is a deliberate habit.
To note is to perceive, see, consider, mention. That's all there is to making notes and you might want to begin your notebook by doing it at the end of the day and it might look like this: sister called and we laughed - good talk; bill collector called and am worried about finances; managed to get my ten minutes of quiet time in this morning and it seemed to help with my worry; unsure what to do about bathroom tile; looking forward to ______tomorrow.
What would be the point of jotting that kind stuff down you might ask? Because what you jot down is a clue to what is important to you: your sister, your finances, your morning time and what you're going to do with the bathroom tile are keys to your personal value system. Those are the items that 'shook themselves out' of the fourteen or sixteen hours of your day. Which is fine because those notes are normal elements in a value system: relationships. Every item was about relationship: to my sister, to myself i.e., quiet time, to my finances, to the home I live in.
Which is exactly the kind of information you will receive if you do this activity with discipline i.e., 5 times a week for two weeks.
I'm almost afraid to tell the next part of this beginning process for fear it will affect what you jot down but here it it: at the end of the two weeks, set aside one full hour of quiet, uninterrupted time and read through your notes. Once you have read through them, treat them as you would treat notes from a class and begin to elaborate on what you have just read using: what jumps out as important to me these past couple weeks is.When you finish elaborating using that as the opening sentence, go on to explore the elements that you saw repeating themselves in your notes: i.e., I can see that I am really worried about my finances and the value I am dealing with regarding them is. Use that as an opening sentence for each element that turned up repeatedly. When you finish writing on those, do a closing paragraph about the experience of the two weeks and the experience you will just be completing.
If you do all I have described regarding the two week practice and the one hour practice you will have taken deliberate control with regard to creating order in your life and you will have exercised you will creatively for owning your life as belonging to you.
The one hour experience is a kind of journaling as it introduces the elements of writing your observations of experiences, feelings and thoughts in a gradual manner. My suggestion is that when you finish your hour experience you then return to another two weeks of jotting notes of your day at least 5 times during each week. At the end of the two weeks, plan another hour of elaborating on what you see in your notes. I know the next question is how long do I keep doing this note jotting thing? The answer is, until it naturally begins to change into longer, more elaborate observations however do not begin elaborating until you have completed a month of this practice. Why? Because you run two risks. One is by jumping too soon into an elaborated kind of writing it is easy to write in circles and as a result feeling as though you are creating something that sounds trivial. The second risk is that of giving yourself 'the writing bends' that is, going too deeply too quickly and scaring yourself by not knowing where your insight fits in the wholeness of the scheme of your life.
But, there is a way to add some fun to the process while jotting notes and that is using exploratory list making as a discovery tool of the self. I'm very partial to this method for it is how I made my way into the practice of journal writing. And that will be tomorrow's posting.
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