. I use the word curious because the components that appear on my posting screen did not show themselves as they normally do when I went into 'new posting' and in order to figure out what was happening I needed to investigate. Actually, I'm quite pleased that I did not give up and instead, I calmed myself down and stared at the screen and asked myself 'what is different today?' For those of you who are computer savvy asking such a question may seem like an obvious action to take. For a person like myself that is used to 'perceiving' myself as having the technological skill of a kindergartner, my first inclination was to shut down the computer and go have another cup of coffee while the computer 'fixed' itself. But I did not! I kept starring at the screen until I realized that for reasons I do not understand at all, the screen was set to preview rather than compose. Ah-ha I thought, let's click on compose and see what happens. Like magic, the mandala image I had chosen appeared with all of the correct icons and the screen was ready for writing on. My use of the quality of 'curious' allowed me to remain with the problem and find a solution.
In order to use the quality of being curious effectively to solve the problem appearing on my screen, I first had to push aside fear: my sense of anxiety regarding technology. More importantly, in order to see the answer, my perception: the use of one's mind to take in what is happening had to be open to the idea that I was indeed capable of discovering what I needed to know. In order to be open, I simply told myself that I had a lot more skill in this arena than I had just two months ago, so I could probably figure it out! This is true, I knew it was true and so I stayed with this new perception.
This is kind of a long introduction to the concept of curiosity as fertilizer for living but as I prepared to write this posting and explored 'curious' what became obvious was that fear is the wall that not only hinders the effective use of being curious, but fear often diverts us from the proper use of curious and leads us down the path of a fascinating concept called 'impertinent' curiosity - which would be the improper use of curious.
Curious: eager to learn. The quality of being curious: an eagerness or enthusiasm for learning: seeking knowledge, awareness, understanding and insight is one of the unique features of being human. The capacity for, as well as the ability to be curious, allows persons to invent, create, adapt and bring about new ways of being. The ability to use our capacity to be curious expands our life in it's ability to create greater consciousness, perceive significance and to discover previously hidden truths. Being curious therefore, allows for new learning and is a key component for refreshing and renewing the soil of our life.
Refreshing and renewing life indicates an openness and willingness to expand our awareness of what is happening at the moment and what our place in this happening may be. It is at precisely this point of now that perception of life comes into play: if I am fearful then the tendency is to shut down and keep 'happenings' as small as possible i.e., turn off the computer and go have another cup of coffee. Fear pushes 'curious' and the ability to learn and expand my awareness right out of the picture because fear restricts rather than expands.
Sometimes I think one of the big problems with understanding the dynamics of living is that we use big concept words. By big concept words I mean words that indicate something so overwhelming large, sort of like standing inside a huge umbrella, and in this bigness, we either assume we know what the word/concept means or we glance at the concept and unconsciously mutter 'whatever.' Fear is a big concept word. We know fear. We know the feelings of fear and the definition of fear and so we say, 'oh, I get it.' What I've learned is that in reality, I often don't get it as it applies right now unless I break the BIG concept down into EDIBLE pieces. Breaking down the concept of fear what is found is the word trouble: distress, perceived failure and unpleasant exertion.
Oh, now that makes sense! Why bother to wake up and explore - activate my capacity to be curious - if I have perceived: decided beforehand that what will be {future tense} encountered is possibly a distressing failure and on top of that, I will most likely have exerted myself unpleasantly, since that which ends in failure is almost always unpleasant! If my orientation toward life is that life is 'trouble' then I will find myself experiencing fear - a survival mechanism used to foreshadow trouble. This is exactly why and how fear as an orientation: a gazing at life believing trouble will appear at any moment, keeps us from our natural capacity for continual new learning and new means of adapting to life.
In my last post I mentioned that reading Pema Chodron's book Comfortable With Uncertainty taught me how to use the quality of being curious to literally 'shatter' the bonds of fear. I'll warn you that in reality using curiosity in this way does not so much 'shatter' all fear as it snips apart threads of fear one at a time, one moment at a time. When I picture this idea I see Gulliver from Gulliver's Travels tied down by elves who criscrossed ropes or threads across his body while he was sleeping. Doesn't take much musing on this image to see that is exactly how fear works with us: lots of little fears - many of which happened in the past so we are afraid they might happen in the future - restricting us from moving around in the now.
If someone comes along and snips a rope, Gulliver is less restricted. Snip a couple more ropes and by golly there's a bit of wiggle room! One or two more snips and wow, look at Gulliver crawling out of his prison! Snipping ropes of fear works exactly the same way.
Here's how I was taught to snip fear. When I am become aware that I am anxious, up-tight, aware of a general dis-ease in my body or just plain feeling lethargic and irritable about the day
I say to myself 'what is happening right now around you.' Right now in this very moment what is actually real? This means snap awake and look around! Generally the answer is quite mundane: I'm sitting in my chair. I'm washing dishes. I'm taking a shower. The birds are singing, the cat is sleeping, I'm walking out the door to go to the grocery store, I'm at my desk working. You see, the word real indicates the actual component of right now which means in order to be actually present to now remove feelings based in the past, remove feelings that are anticipating the future: remove thoughts not attached to right now: remove thoughts about what might happen in the future, remove thoughts about what has already happened.
Now you are naked. This is how you may feel if this is a new exercise for you because without any awareness that we are doing this, because of human defense mechanisms, our tendency is to 'dress our self' for today with the clothing of awarenesses that are made primarily of the past and the future. Dressing ourselves this we, we tend to not truly be present to the moment of NOW. Seems like a silly way to get dressed however, human beings, who have an inherent will to survive and have also lived through a lot of turbulence: i.e., trouble, have a tendency to 'live' out of both the past and the future because they 'feel safe' since neither is happening right now. If I had simply looked at how the computer screen was behaving today wearing only articles from the past I would have assumed that I was incapable of discovering what was happening because my old idea of myself was that I was terminally dumb about technology. I now know my technological status is "slow" and not terminal!
We cannot acquire new learning living out of an orientation to the past because the energy of the past is used up - it's over. We cannot acquire new learning while living out of future expectations because the energy of the future is not yet available. I love the word anticipate to illustrate what living out of the future is because anticipate means to use before the proper time. Which of course, never works very well: fruit used before the proper time is not yet ripe and tends to be hard and tasteless and not at all easily digested.
Life in this moment is ripe - what is right now is what is available to eat right now. Eating fruit that is ripe makes for a happy digestive system. The digestive system of our psyche responds to what kind of life-fruit we eat - fruit in the moment is ripe. When we use the technique of bringing the self to right now by asking what is actually happening right now?, we orient our self to a "ripe life."
This takes practice, practice and more practice. If you are an adult in mid-life you have a very deep root system like the old citrus tree from the last posting . Deep root systems require some loosening of the soil, lots of fertilizer, some deep watering {that's the practice part} and some patience.
A bag of fertilizer contains a combination of nutrient dense ingredients and it is the proper combination of nutrients that invigorates the soil. A nice combination of ingredients when using the fertilizer 'curious' and coming back to the present moment of 'what is happening right now' is to add gratitude, appreciation and beauty. So, you're at your desk and about to pay bills: do you focus on the fear of what might be and the anxiety of what you lack and what the future may bring or do you accept the obvious: if you've pulled out your checkbook there must be something in the bank.
Okay, lets try using curious to take us to the place where we are mindful of now. Think on what you have at this moment: maybe the ability to pay all the bills, maybe the ability to pay part of them: either situation and you are making headway in the task. Sit for a moment and feel grateful for the resources you have that allows for this action. Sit for a moment and say thank you out loud for each blessing that paying the bill allows to occur in your life. Sit for a moment look around you: is there evidence of what you have received from your resources within eyesight? A piece of furniture, a picture of someone you love, a decorative object, maybe the cup of coffee or glass of water at your elbow and what about that snack sitting there: what within your eyesight (eyesight indicates the now of where you are) activates gratitude or blessing. Breathe in the gratitude, the sense of blessing, as well as any image that evokes love that are within your awareness.
Congratulations! Doing the above you have just used two practices that allow for eating the ripe fruit of life. One practice was to activate curiosity to bring you to the moment: what is actually real right now. This is the practice of mindfulness. The other practice was using the positive qualities of curiosity to bring you to a truth. The truth you experienced deliberately seeing what is a blessing within your eyesight and saying thank you and breathing in the gratitude, appreciation and possibly love, is that life is composed of goodness. Knowing that life is composed of goodness is the antidote to seeing life as trouble {the little name for fear.}
The more times you practice experiencing the goodness present in the moment, the more your perception of living will reflect a sense of being blessed: of inherent goodness. But for goodness sakes, be patient with yourself and if you have a deep root system from having accumulated more than a couple decades of living, keep watering the soil with the practice of coming back to the moment: what is here in this moment? What that is here in my sight is beautiful? What that is here in my sight am I grateful for. What that is here in my sight can evoke peace or love? Asking these questions is using the qualities found within the word curious: seeking awareness, seeking understanding, seeking insight.
Awareness, understanding and insight allow for our life to expand if we remember to add the ingredients of beauty, appreciation and love by asking what is here right now that reminds me that goodness is alive right now?
Well, my post went in a slightly different direction than I had outlined in the sheet of paper sitting here on the desk to my right! But the writing experience feels fine, in fact the writing feels quite complete for today although I am aware that I never did explain what that suffix ity does when it takes being curious into curiosity and how sometimes that little suffix of ity causes "impertinent curiosity." I found impertinent curiosity fascinating when I explored the concepts and that will be the next post.
One more thing; the image for today's post is a mandala which is a symbol of wholeness. I liked this particular image because the way the lines are drawn givea sensation of delving more deeply into the structure. This is what curious does: it takes us deeper into the truth of life. I wanted to add this little bit of thought before I end because as I read through what I have written it occurred to me that some people might wonder 'how does being present to the moment and pursuing a dream go together?' 'Does being present to the now, mindfulness cancel out hopes and dreams?' Those are interesting questions for a whole separate discussion but here's the simple answer: using the capacity for being curious to activate awareness, understanding and insight in order to discover hidden truths creates an extremely fertile environment for growing dreams. But here's the distinction - you will be actively growing dreams rather than expectations or wishes. There's an interesting thought to chew on.
I am trying to figure out if this works so I can answer a question someone asked ...
ReplyDelete