Redeemed by love

Last weekend at the retreat in Prescott we were given the opportunity to chant our prayers. What I loved about the chanting - besides the fact that one does not need the ability to sing in order to chant - was the sensation of the words swirling around me and into my interior in an

entirely new way.

I love words: their form, their flavor, the way the right word seasons a thought and the infinite possibilities of how they may be strung together: simple statements, an arrow to the heart as a word or phrase pierces consciousness, a poem, a narrative - with the possibility of a same plot and settting being presented from numerous views simply by the choice of words. The word I kept hearing as we chanted prayer last weekend was redeemed.

Redeemed was a consistent part of the liturgy of prayer simply because it was the weekend after Easter and so the redemption aspect of the crucifixion and resurrection were emphasized. What kept swirling through me however was: what has redeemed me? How are any of us actually redeemed? The answer I heard was: we are redeemed by love.

My guess is that everyone reading this knows this fact of being redeemed by love but I kept asking myself how does love redeem us?

As the chanting swirled it's own emphasis of process: words rising and falling with intonations of breath, what kept swirling into my thoughts was what does redeemed mean? If I believe - and I do - that I have been and am each day - redeemed by love, what does that mean? Thank God for dictionaries - and I mean that phrase with a passion that is known to all who love words - for it is the dictionary I inevitably turn when I am wrestling with a truth that has been packaged in words.

Redeem: to recover: syn: reclaim, regain, retrieve, get back

This morning I found particular significance in that word because last night I did another showing and sale of my bracelets and it was not financially successful. I work this morning aware of being discouraged. I had reason to be discouraged - a word I define as lacking courage for as I was aware that, in this morning's light, my courage: my fire and energy, for the whole process of creating an inventory and all that is involved in packing, hauling, unpacking, displaying and then 'selling' was waning. Now, I had a choice with this feeling of discouragment; I could chew on it long enough to get the full force of its flavor: self pity, defeat, betrayal OR I could acknowledge the feeling and ask myself what I have received from the experience of discovering how to create my vintage button bracelets. In many ways, the discovery of making the bracelets and offering them, redeemed me - recovered more of the essential self I was placed here on earth to make use of.

I was redeemed in doing the bracelets because when I began, I reclaimed: to bring under cultivation a passion for creativity that up to that point had pretty much been fenced alone in the meadow of writing. I regained: acquired and secured, my sense of self as capable of artistic creativity that expanded beyond the boundaries I had imposed and I had retrieved & gotten back: recovered possession of a sense of the power of self when immersed in passionate creativity. Passionate creativity is simply a phrase that means love. Truly the experience of creating the button bracelets had expanded me and moved me down the path I firmly believe I am called to journey on.

If all I have just written is true - and I believe that it is - then the only logical choice for my mood today is to rejoice in what I have been given, trust that what I need financially will find a way to me and consider that perhaps the 'task' of the button work has been accomplished and maybe it's time to let go of it and give more energy to the creativity the buttons opened me to. This process of being redeemed by love as I see it is simply a willingness to acknowledge what has been given and then to bless it by being willing to do what the word reclaim means. Reclaim: to bring under cultivation.

I 'bless' that I have been able to reclaim, regain and retrieve a part of myself that was sort of awake but taking an awfully lot of naps by being willing to stay awake and do the work of cultivation. It is only when we are willing to do the work of cultivating that we are actually redeemed - otherwise it all remains a lovely idea that periodically we wonder why it is about as satisfying as cotton candy which gives a quick sweetness and then melts away.

Cultivation: to prepare for use; to make ready; to nurture and tend to. Right there in that definition is how we accept whatever we have been given so that it may redeem us. Thirty some years ago, life offered me the gift of sobriety but in order to accept it I had to cultivate the love with which it was given. Cultivating the self to receive the love of sobriety is not easy as one must allow the self to be plowed and tilled just like a field being prepared to receive seed. Once the plowing and seeding were done, I needed to be willing to tend to my field, tend: give deliberate attention to; nurture and care for.

To be redeemed by love simply means a willingness of give deliberate attention to love, to nurture the love and to tend the love; to care for it. I also need to be willing to give deliberate attention to; nurture and care for the blessings of that which redeemed me: expanded creativity. This is my part of the deal in being redeemed ... it is each of our part if we desire to be recover, reclaim, regain and retrieve - the parts of self that may well have been napping. And heres the other little caveat - no matter how terrifically 'developed' any one of us is, there are ALWAYS parts of self that are napping and waiting to be awakened. I think this was the design so we would never have the excuse that life was boring because we've done it all.

The other part of the design - or at least what I believe - is that the very, very, very best way to awaken the parts of the self that are napping is with the kiss of love. When we experience the kiss of love, the sleeping part of self thinks, 'well, this may well be worth waking up for!' Again, we have the choice as to whether or not we'll allow ourself to experience the kiss of love: many times we do not. Many times we brush away the possiblity of being redeemed by love: reclaiming, regaining and retrieving lost parts of self because we just are not willing to be changed by the cultivating required to make it come alive.

Being redeeded: kissed awake by love, requires acceptance, awakening, changing our perception of what is possible and then willingness to do the work of cultivation so what has been redeemed with the kiss, make take root and grow.

My heavens though being kissed awake is lovely. If I am meant to let go of working with buttons so be it {and truthfully I don't know the answer yet} because the work I did creating with them gave me so very many unexpected gifts. Quite possibly the biggest gift was the experience of doing something completely unfamiliar and unknown which expanded my confidence and willingness to try new things. My thanksgiving for this blessing must be a willingness to continue cultivating: paying attention to and doing the work of tending to the gifts and abilities that were awakened.

If nothing else, this is what I know from my journey into the word redeemed: I always cultivate - grow and nurture - that which I pay attention to. I had a choice this morning, I could cultivate my discouragement or I could mull on being redeemed by a new love and sit down and do this posting. No matter what else happens, I know I have made the right choice in moving along the path of this journey for today. And, today is all I need to respond to.